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Bitman January 30, 2007
THE BITS… Vice President Dick Cheney is 66 today. Knowing Cheney’s history of heart attacks, the Secret Service is on heightened alert for possible surprise parties. Vice President Dick Cheney is 66 today. Cheney is planning a quiet celebration with friends and a few close cardiologists. The city of Miami is planning an official celebration at the Orange Bowl whenever Cuban president Fidel Castro dies. However, Castro has sent his regrets saying he would be unable to attend. The city of Miami is planning an official celebration at the Orange Bowl whenever Cuban president Fidel Castro dies. At the end of the event, Fidel’s brother Raoul Castro will run off the field and yell, “I’m going to Disneyland.” Jermaine Jackson says he wants his brother Michael Jackson to convert to Islam. Now if only someone could get Michael to convert to normal. Borat creator Sacha Baron Cohen has been named one of Britain's most powerful men. Cohen ranked just behind Prince William and just ahead of that guy who had sex in the park with George Michael. Borat creator Sacha Baron Cohen has been named one of Britain's most powerful men. Topping the list of Britain’s most powerful men was Margaret Thatcher. Paula Abdul is blaming that TV interview in which she appeared to be drunk on a glitch. At least I think she said ‘glitch.’ She might have blamed it on Schlitz. Lindsay Lohan has been accused of getting special treatment at the Wonderland rehab center. However, Lindsay says they’re very strict with her. Just yesterday, she said they wouldn’t let her have tonic with her vodka. Miss Oklahoma Lauren Nelson was crowned Miss America last night. Although this pageant winner could be headed for controversy, too. For her talent segment, she French kissed Miss Congeniality. Miss Oklahoma Lauren Nelson was crowned Miss America last night. Although this pageant winner could be headed for controversy, too. During the big dance number, she suggestively twirled around a pole. TV psychic John Edward and his wife had a baby girl. You can tell that Edwards is a good psychic because he asked the doctor if he wanted to know the sex of the baby in advance. Donald Trump is lobbying golf officials to let him host the U.S. Open at one of his golf courses. In fact, Trump is so anxious to host the tournament that he’s added a sand trap to his comb over. McDonald's has found a healthier oil to cook its french fries in. The new oil is believed to be 30-weight. It’s reported that potato chips are becoming a delicacy in Iraq. Apparently it’s part of the White House strategy to defeat the terrorists by clogging their arteries. According to a Japanese study, if a man were able to experience a female orgasm, the shock to his system could kill him. They say the shock to the man would be discovering that women have orgasms. The woman who founded the hot dog on a stick company has died. In her lifetime she battered more wieners than Lorena Bobbitt. TINSELTOWN TATTLER… Even wreaking havoc in rehab, Lindsay Lohan has struck again. After it was reported that Lindsay was tweaking off fellow patients at the Wonderland rehab center with her special perks, it’s now said that a number of those guests are making an early exit from the facility. After word of Lindsay’s special treatment got out, Wonderland began giving all of the residents special perks. Unfortunately, the place suddenly became too lenient and a source tells the website TMZ.com that "Wonderland has become a joke - A very expensive joke." It was another touchy-feely weekend for Jessica Simpson and John Mayer. Jessica was seen dancing to Mayer's entire concert and 20-minute encore on Friday night at the University of Miami. One witness said, "She was rocking out the whole time. She only seemed to know the words to his older songs though, because she sang along to 'Your Body is a Wonderland' and his older hits." Simpson did her rocking out from the sound and lighting area alongside her stylist and Billy Joel and his wife. Now that she’s single again, insiders say that Britney Spears has been trying to phone former boyfriend Justin Timberlake, but he's not taking her calls. Not only that, when Justin’s ex-girlfriend Cameron Diaz got wind of the calls, she tried to get through to Britney's people to ask her to lay off. Justin, meanwhile, has reportedly been enjoying the company of Jessica Biel, who flew to the Sundance Film Festival last week to be with him. Biel had been dating New York Yankees baseball star Derek Jeter and they vacationed together in Puerto Rico at Christmas. However, Jeter was recently spotted with actress Gabrielle Union. It’s a return trip to splitsville for Lance Bass and Reichen Lehmkuhl. Lance told People magazine, "We broke up last week. But we're really good friends. Nothing bad at all – nothing bad at all to say." However, other sources are reporting the split was caused by Reichen's involvement in "extracurricular" activities. While she won’t come out and say it, Anne Heche apparently dumped her husband to hook up with her "Men in Trees" co-star James Tupper. Heche admitted that she has "chemistry" with Tupper and told "Entertainment Tonight," "We have a beautiful relationship. I think people like to read a lot into the chemistry we have on the show, and I think it's fantastic. We love each other, we're like a family here, we all go out on the weekends. I'm obviously going through something personal in my life, and I don't know what is going to happen in the future." Tupper split from his wife in November. Ugly Betty actress Ashley Jensen is off the market. Ashley eloped with her longtime boyfriend, actor and writer Terence Beesley. The couple tied the knot last Monday in Big Sur. Ashley says the ceremony took place in a forest and the couple's dog, Barney, served as ring bearer. If you’re wondering, Jensen plays the seamstress Christine on Ugly Betty. Is Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs diddling around on his girlfriend Kim Porter, the mother of his new baby twins? The paparazzi caught Diddy dropping off actress Sienna Miller at her New York City hotel Sunday morning after a rumored night of partying together. Word is Diddy sent a bodyguard over to the photographer to try and get him to delete the footage, but it was apparently a no go. Combs and Miller were rumored to have gotten cozy at the Sundance film festival as well. The lawsuit between Jennifer Lopez and her first husband, Ojani Noa, was ordered into arbitration. To refresh your memory, he wrote a tell-all book about their brief marriage and she wants publication stopped. Noa's book alleges that Lopez had multiple affairs, including one with her third and current husband Marc Anthony before he divorced. The judge sided with Lopez, who wanted arbitration. It will be awhile, if ever, before the book sees the light of day as the progress hearing in the arbitration proceeding won’t be until July 30th. When Eva Longoria flew to London for a personal appearance at Harrods department store, she decided to pick up a few things for herself to the tune of $19,000. Imagine Eva’s surprise when they sent her a bill for the clothing and accessories. Eva was under the impression that her goodies were a perk, but Harrods assumed Eva would pay for it out of her $100,000 appearance fee. If you’re wondering, Eva paid up. Will Grey’s Anatomy be losing a doctor? After Isaiah Washington's gay-bashing forced T.R. Knight to come out of the closet, word is that he was so upset over the incident and then the episode at the Golden Globes that he's going to quit the show. For the record, the network says Knight is staying put. Meanwhile, actress Madeline McCray, who once worked with Washington, says he’s not a bigot, just a hothead. While they worked together on an August Wilson play, Washington got so upset at a cast mate that he punched out another actor. For the record, it was a straight, black actor. Incidentally, that rehab program that Washington checked into is a 30-day anger management program. The California Highway Patrol has recommended that Brandy be charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter stemming from that freeway crash last month that killed a woman. The city attorney's office is now reviewing the case to determine whether those charges will be filed. If convicted, Brandy could face one year in jail and a $1,000 fine. If you’re looking for a place in Malibu and you have some very deep pockets, you might want to talk to Courtney Cox and David Arquette. They’re selling their Malibu mansion for a whopping $33.5 million. If you’re wondering what you get for that kind of money, it features four bedrooms, five bathrooms, and an 80-foot beachfront area. It could be a tidy little profit as they paid around $10.5 million. It’s a girl for TV psychic John Edward and his wife Sandra. Olivia Gabriella was born on Thursday in New York. They also have a 4-year-old son. The couple has been married since 1995. Fresh off his runner-up finish on Britain’s "Celebrity Big Brother" TV reality show, Jermaine Jackson says he wants his brother Michael Jackson to convert to Islam. Jermaine says, "Michael, I feel, needs to become a Muslim because I think it's a great protection for him from all the things that he's been attacked with, which are false." Jermaine now lives in Bahrain and said he believed Michael had given conversion "serious thought" during his stay in the country. Supermodel Niki Taylor has hit the E! Entertainment channel with a slander suit, claiming they intentionally inflicted emotional distress on her during the show "Blvd. of Broken Dreams." Niki is also alleging fraud, breach of contract and invasion of privacy, claiming E! Entertainment representatives falsely claimed the show would focus on Taylor's current life. Instead, they say the show focused on Taylor's past hardships and characterized her as a celebrity "who risked everything ... and lost." Niki was seen frequently in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue before she was critically injured in a near-fatal car accident in 2001, and recovered fully only after numerous surgeries. Bringing new meaning to the term ‘long arm of the law’ was basketball star Shaquille O'Neal. Shaq was at home in Miami Beach when a car reportedly driven by an 18-year-old man smashed into O'Neal's parked Cadillac Escalade. O'Neal and his bodyguard jumped into the damaged car and gave chase, finally catching up with the kid and then called police to make the arrest. The kid later said, "I couldn't believe that. Of all the people. I mean, damn. He told us to shut up. He said, 'I don't want to talk to you right now.'" The kid was cited for leaving the scene of an accident. You may recall that Shaq was sworn in as a reserve Miami Beach Police Department officer in 2005. It’s good to be Borat. Sacha Baron Cohen has been named one of Britain's most powerful men, just one place behind Prince William. Cohen debuted in 19th place on GQ magazine's annual list of men "shaping the fabric and direction of the nation" over the next 12 months and beyond. The magazine noted, "Not since John Lennon has an English entertainer had such an effect on the world: George Bush was briefed on him, the Kazakh government briefed against him." Apparently $1 million in diamonds doesn’t go very far when attempting to buy the affections of Lindsay Lohan. Record producer Scott Storch gave Lindsay the baubles for New Year’s. However, when he threw himself a birthday party in Miami, Lindsay was a no-show. Also not bothering to drop by were two other women he’d worked with - Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Kelly Rowland, who was supposed to sing a special 'Happy Birthday' to him, was also MIA. A rep for Storch said, "Scott was not upset at all - he had Derek Jeter and Ludacris there, and a naked girl even popped out of the cake." "Open Season" Computer animated critters hit the road, sounding a lot like Martin Lawrence, Debra Messing and Ashton Kutcher "Flyboys" James Franco goes gunning for the Red Baron in the World War I adventure. "The Marine" Wrestler John Cena rescues his wife from jewel thieves. TV on DVD: "Dallas: The Complete Sixth Season"
The Johnny Carson Show is coming to DVD. This is the mid-50’s show he hosted before taking over the Tonight Show. 10 recently discovered and restored episodes of the show will be in stores on February 20th. Creator Marc Cherry says we can expect not one, but two Desperate Housewives marriage ceremonies in the coming weeks. He says that one will be a quickie wedding and the other a big, legendary, soap-opera wedding. CBS has decided to cancel "Armed & Famous" without airing the remaining episodes this summer. If for some reason you want to watch them, at least one unaired episode will be shown this weekend on VH1. The Office’s Jenna Fischer will co-star with John C. Reilly in the comedy Walk Hard. It’s described as a spoof of the Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line. Will Arnett will join Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson and Andrew Benjamin in the basketball comedy Semi-Pro. MUSICAL NOTES… New Music In Stores Today…Lily Allen - "Alright, Still" Following the lead of a growing number of American churches, the Church of England will hold its first "U2-charist" communion service in May. A live band performing U2 songs will replace traditional hymns during the service, which will also feature lyrics on a giant screen so that all can join in. The upcoming album from Avril Lavigne, called "The Best Damn Thing," has a tentative release date of April 17th. In a December post on her MySpace page, Avril wrote, "I wanted to make sure the songs were fun -- fun for the fans and myself." A tour is planned, but dates have yet to be announced. The new album from the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club will be called "Baby 81" and will be in stores on May 1st. The band plans to tour after the album's release. "The Very Best of Stevie Nicks" will be out on March 27th. It will be her second greatest hits package and include live versions of "Edge of Seventeen," "Landslide" and "Rhiannon," as well as her 2005 collaboration with Deep Dish on "Dreams." It will also include a DVD with live performances and commentary from Nicks. Look for Stevie performing on the Super Bowl pre-game show and a tour with Chris Issak is expected in May. We now know how Martha Reeves put so much power into her classic "Dancing in the Streets." Martha reveals that the first time she recorded it, they forgot to turn the tape on. Reeves says, "The fire you hear in my voice is the anger at being asked to do it again." Mary J. Blige and Christina Aguilera will headline this year's NBA All-Star weekend in Las Vegas. Blige will perform during All-Star Saturday Night, and Aguilera will perform during the game’s halftime show. Toni Braxton is also set to perform. Jay-Z will help Coca-Cola re-launch Cherry Coke. Jay-Z helped to design the can and the television commercials, and will appear at the official re-launch event on February 7th during New York's Fashion Week. From the ‘nice work if you can get it’ file… Lil Jon will host Playboy's Super Bowl pre-party at the American Airlines Arena in Miami. Along with a bevy of bunnies, Johnny Knoxville, Terrence Howard and Backstreet Boys' Nick Carter and A.J. McLean will be on hand the night before the game. The upcoming album from Chamillionaire will be called "Ultimate Victory," and will feature guest shots from Kelis, Busta Rhymes, Lil Wayne, Slick Rick, and Bone Thugs 'N Harmony. Look for it on March 27th. Rapper Young Buck started his weekend off in jail after being arrested on a warrant for failing to appear in court on a previous driving violation in Nashville. Tickets for the upcoming Keith Urban Love, Pain & the Whole Crazy World Tour go on sale this Saturday. However, members of Keith's online community, Monkeyville, can already get tickets through KeithUrban.net and Target stores in cities where the tour is scheduled to stop, will offer advance tickets starting today. A Sugarland fan in Tampa received a ‘thank you’ phone call last week from Kristian Bush. The second-grader named Brooke was rewarded for her work in promoting their new album, "Enjoy the Ride." Brooke and her mother took Sugarland posters to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers game, handing them out to fans and posted them everywhere they could.
TUBULAR… Daytime TV: Primetime TVABC: America’s Funniest Home Videos and Knights of Prosperity are reruns, Big Day (season, maybe series, finale) and Boston Legal are new Late Night TVJay Leno: Diane Keaton; Ivanka Trump; the Soweto Gospel Choir performs Carson Daly: Former NFL player Michael Irvin; TV personality Padma Lakshmi TIDBITS… Windows Vista will make its debut today, but will it live up to the hype and should you rush out and get it for your computer? Microsoft calls it its most
sophisticated, secure and intuitive operating system since Windows debuted in 1985. The reviews were somewhat less glowing. While generally positive, computer geeks see it more as an evolutionary step from XP. There are several different levels of Vista software, ranging from $199 to $399, cheaper if you’re upgrading from a previous version of Windows. As for whether you should rush right out and buy it, first you have to make sure it will work on your computer. If your computer has a sticker on it that says ‘Windows Vista Capable,’ you’re set. If not, you’re out of luck. Secondly, you have to determine whether it’s worth the bucks. While Vista does some cool things, your best bet is to go to a store and play with it or get a demonstration to determine whether it’s worth it to you. 1. Bananas SEXTRAS… Mike Jones has had numerous religious experiences, lately. Jones is the former male prostitute whose accusations brought down New Life Church founder Ted Haggard. Jones finally visited Haggard’s former Colorado Springs mega-church on Sunday after church members invited Jones to the church several times. Associate pastor Rob Brendle says the church's response to him was overwhelmingly warm and some members even thanked him for exposing the wrongs that were done. No father is ever thrilled by the news that his daughter is no longer pure, but some dads take it a bit harder than others. A Jordanian father suspected his 17-year-old daughter was having sex despite a medical exam that proved her chastity. Dad remained so unconvinced that he fatally shot his daughter, later telling police he had done it for family honor. The autopsy also proved her chastity. An unidentified man in Melbourne, Australia, fell from a first-floor balcony this week. It turned out to be a not so happy landing as the man found himself impaled in the groin area after falling on a steel fence. Rescue workers said the man, in his early 20’s, “suffered a wound in the groin area and lost a bit of blood. It was quite unfortunate.” In Thailand, rape is a serious crime, punishable by anywhere from four to 20 years in prison and a fine of about $200 to $1,000. However, there could be certain exceptions if a new law is adopted. In its current draft form, the new law would allow husbands to rape their wives. However, in recognition of sexual equality, wives would also be allowed to rape their husbands. The new proposals are in response to complaints from human rights groups that say Thai women get the short end of the stick, so to speak, when it comes to laws on sexual violence and divorce. Currently, to sue for divorce, the wife must prove that her husband financially supports and publicly honors another woman as wife. Proving the husband's unfaithfulness alone is not good enough. A spa in Phuket, Thailand, has offended neighbors with their new erection. The complaints have forced the Sappaya Spa to re-model its penis-shaped fence into lotus flowers. Locals rose up when builders erected the 18 Hindu Shiva Lingas around the property. Shiva Linga is the holy symbol of Lord Shiva, which religious scholars interpret as the symbol of copulation. However, the spa owner finally bowed to the stiff opposition to the sculptures, which he thought would bring him good luck in business. Sex has gotten another teacher in trouble. The unnamed Yonkers, New York, teacher has been barred from classes after asking his seventh-grade students to volunteer to draw male genitalia on the blackboard during a class on human anatomy and sexuality. While parents seemed somewhat divided on whether it was appropriate or not, the complaining parent won out and the teacher may soon officially get the ax.
Brooklyn’s Clenzo Thompson was left red-faced after attempting a career in bank robbery. Clenzo was arrested for robbing the same Brooklyn bank twice in three days. Not only that, he had a dye pack explode in his face both times. This comes three years after he robbed another bank but dropped his ID at the scene. South Charleston, South Carolina’s Glenn Harold Vickers was driving on Interstate 64 last week when the vehicle of Mike Rutherford merged onto the freeway ahead of him. For some reason, Vickers apparently took offense and began tailgating Rutherford, several times backing off, only to pull back up on his rear bumper. As Vickers came to his exit, he pulled up alongside Rutherford and gave him the finger, and promptly hit the guardrail. By the way, it turned out to be County Sheriff Mike Rutherford, who gave Vickers a field sobriety test, which he failed, before declining to take a Breathalyzer test. Milwaukee’s intrepid Channel 58 TV news team recently did a story about the thin ice covering area lakes. To illustrate the point, the crew drove its news truck onto Big Muskeo Lake and promptly broke through the ice. The truck remained partially submerged until it was pulled out yesterday. Madison, Wisconsin, lawyer Rick Petri went to the police department to pick up a client who had been arrested on DUI charges. Hopefully, Petri knows of another good lawyer. When he arrived to pick up his client, he was also arrested for drunken driving. Adding to the irony, the embarrassed Petri once prosecuted drunken drivers for the Madison city attorney's office. Madison police require that anyone coming to pick up someone arrested for drunken driving be sober. HISTORY LESSON… 1847: The city of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco. Birthday Partiers:
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